Tell Me a Story

So how is it exactly that stories and hypnosis work together?

One of the first requests that a child makes to his or her parents is "Tell me a story." Children enjoy stories because they help them to make sense out of the world. Today, I'm going to look at one form of story that children love to hear, the autobiographical story.

"Tell me the story about...." the day I was born, how you and daddy met, what it was like when you were little, the list is really endless. These stories are important to children because they help them to identify themselves as loved (therefore loveable)and a part of a family (belonging), and gives them a history of themselves that extends beyond their lifetime. The details and emotions we bring to these stories as we tell them to our children enrich their lives by meeting these basic needs of identity. Creation stories, as Dr. Lewis Mehl-Madrona calls them in his excellent book, Coyote Wisdom, help us to define who we are and how we got to where we are.

These stories are not just journalistic reportings of fact, but are filled with the emotion of the events as well. And in fact, all stories are simply the teller's interpretation of the events, filtered through their emotional perceptions. As one writer put it, "The King died. Then the queen died.", is a historical reporting of fact. "The King died. The the queen died of a broken heart.", now that's a story.

When a creation story is told well, both the teller and the listener can literally relive the events, feeling the full emotion that was present originally. And thus the same series of historical events can generate myriad stories, for each person present attaches their own interpretation, emotions, and meaning to the story... interpretations, emotions, and meaning which change with each telling of the story.

In hypnotic regression, we allow the client to explore their own creation stories... the story of how the issue they are currently dealing with began. We ask them to review their stories, with a special focus on how the interpretation, emotions, and meanings of those stories has led them to where they are today. We invite them to rewrite their stories, much like the choose your own adventure books I spoke of in an earlier post, in an effort to change, not the facts of the story, but the impact those interpretations, emotions, and meanings have had on their lives. We ask them to envision alternate interpretations, to add to those stories the wisdom and knowledge they have now that they didn't have then, and to rewrite the ending of those stories to a healthier function in their lives.

By way of example, let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, a long long time ago, when I was very young, I had 2 big sisters that I looked up to very much. I thought they were the prettiest and smartest and best big sisters that anyone could ever have. But sometimes, they weren't very nice to me. And most of the time when they weren't nice to me, it was because I had a problem. You see, when I went to sleep at night, I wet the bed. Now most of the time, this wasn't a problem for my sisters, but sometimes we had to share a bed, and then it really became a problem for them. And they would grumble because the sheets were wet, and they would grumble even more because after I wet the bed, I would roll over, and push them towards the wet spot while I continued to blissfully sleep on nice dry sheets. And when my sisters grumbled, they sometimes called me names like "Baby" which wasn't nice at all for a big girl of 5 years old. Then one day, my mom heard them teasing me and calling me "Baby" and she told them to stop that. She told them it wasn't my fault that I wet the bed, that I was sleeping so soundly that I didn't know I had to use the bathroom. She told them to stop teasing me, and making me feel bad.

And I guess they did. Because I don't remember ever wetting the bed again after that. But what I do remember is this. I stopped sleeping soundly too. Years passed, and this one little comment from my mother slipped firmly into my subconscious memories and was never thought of again. And then one day, I decided that I was tired of being tired all the time. I wanted to be able to lay down in my bed, and go to sleep. I wanted to be able to sleep all night long. And I didn't know why I couldn't do those things. So I went to a hypnotist, and through the process of regression, I heard this story again, and this time I chose a different ending.

For my big sisters, the problem was that I wet the bed. For me the problem was their teasing me. So my mind very rapidly came up with what seemed at the time like a most excellent idea: Easy solution to the problem of getting picked on... don't sleep soundly... therefore don't wet the bed... therefore don't get picked on.

Unfortunately, this solution was never meant to be a long term solution. As an adult with insomnia, I needed to rewrite that story in order to truly experience a good night's sleep. So this is what I did. I had that grown up part of me that wanted to sleep better have a little talk with that little girl part of me that didn't want to be teased. I shared with her my new knowledge (new to her anyway) that my body always knew exactly when it had to use the bathroom, even if I was asleep, and I could get up and go to the bathroom anytime I needed to. I shared with her that I could sleep as soundly as I wanted to, and I never needed to worry about wetting the bed again. I chose my own adventure, and in doing so rewrote the ending to the story. I now sleep soundly at night (and to be honest at nap time too), I don't wet the bed, and it's been a long long time since my pretty and smart big sisters teased me for that.

So now, when my children or grandchildren ask me to tell them "the story about when you used to wet the bed" I can add all my grown up wisdom to that story. The facts don't change, just the interpretation.